I know it has been a while since I've "checked-in". Life has been crazy, and I've barely had a spare moment.
I was raised in church hearing wonderful, exciting stories from the bible about brave men and women who overcame grave difficulties through God. These stories always have entranced me. Having a theatre background, I cannot help but play out scenes in my mind of what these experiences must have looked like. How wonderful it would have been to walk with the children of Israel through their journey of faith and promise!
This weekend I was reading about one such journey, the Exodus. This is the beautiful story of the Jews' escape from Egypt, where they were ruled and placed in bondage by the Pharaoh. The Jewish people spent centuries in slavery. These people never knew what it would be like to not be in bondage to a controlling dictator. When Moses came to the Pharaoh and demanded the Israelites' freedom, he was fighting for something these people knew nothing of. What would it be like to be free? What does that look like? How would they function as a free people?
Now, I don't want to make light of the Israelites struggle and eventual journey into freedom, but this reminded me of my own mentality as I began my journey to health. I had been a slave to my demeaning thoughts that would keep me in bondage. My own self-image kept me in prison inside my own body. An improper relationship with food and the neglect of my own nutrition kept me in mental chains without hope of freedom.
My journey toward health has always been a physical as well as spiritual journey. I found myself at a place where food was a controlling aspect of my life. My constant dissatisfaction with my body flooded my thought-life. There was little room for anything else. I was miserable because I was fighting a battle without the proper tools.
I would love to tell you that the Israelites busted out of Egypt and marched directly into the Land of Promise, given to them by God, but that was not the case. They spent 40 years circling in the desert in an area of about 11 miles! 40 years!!!!! This seems like so long (and it was), but these people had spent the last 400 years in slavery. 40 years seems like a reasonable transition point. Ha! I would love to say that they never looked back at their lives in bondage with longing, but this isn't the case either. They yearned and pleaded to go back at times. Until you taste the fullness of freedom, this tendency is natural too.
This is the perfect depiction of a weight-loss journey. You don't just go from a lifestyle of Disease and poor habits and waltz into a lifestyle of Health and Intentional Decisions. Boy, do I wish it worked that way! Your mind has to go through a transition. There may be times when you look back at your old lifestyle of self-indulgence with longing, but the effects of that lifestyle are detrimental. I am truly transitioning. I can see the end goal in site, but I'm not their yet. I have about 15 pounds to my first goal. This goal weight will place me within the bounds of a healthy weight and BMI. Truth be told, I have no idea what that will look like. The idea of a lean and healthy version of myself kind of eludes me.
I weigh less now than I did when I graduated college. In 15 more pounds, I will weigh less than what I did when I graduated high school. My body is changing before my eyes. That is a blessing, but the greater blessing is that my mind is changing as well. I am not controlled by thoughts of self-pity, self-hate, or self-indulgence. I think less of my body now than I ever have before. I am FREE to fill my thoughts with other things. I fuel my body instead of indulge my cravings. My relationship with food is one of utility. It is completely freeing to feel this way.
I am still walking toward my "promise land" of health. I'm not there yet. But, Egypt is far, far behind me.
