Baggy eyes and clothes.

I am tired.

I mean dog-tired. I would love to paint my situation as glitter and rainbows, but my life more closely resembles that weird brown color that you make when all the watercolors blend together...

While I have felt completely unmotivated and completely exhausted, I have stayed on program. This past week I lost 2 more pounds, bringing me to 16 lbs lost in 7 weeks. I lost 20 lbs since having my boys. Thirty-six pounds total. My goal is to lose 34 more pounds. Although the changes are less dramatic, and my outlook on life is far from dreamy, I will not stop.

My pre-pregnancy pants are fitting very loosely, but the goal is not to get to where I was and stop there. I want to be a healthy, maintainable weight for the rest of my life.

Real change is slow and tedious, but long-lasting. I know this is true, but I am still struggling with feeling 100% in this. I know most of my current feelings are stemming from the fact that I am completely and utterly exhausted. My life feels out of control. My twin 14 month-olds are into everything and have now decided to throw fits... Oh, the fits... and the crying... and the drama. My job is busy and stressful and a lot of days, extremely hectic. All of my relationships are changing because of the whirlwind of my weekly schedule. Life is, honestly, really hard right now.

The only thing that does not seem to be spirally out of control is my diet. I am not feeding myself convent food full of ingredients that I don't need. I am eating according to my plan and staying within my restrictions. If nothing else, I at least have that to remain consistent.

Nothing revolutionary or inspiring... Just me, being tired, but not giving up.

Diapers and Diets

So life with twins is a constant circus. With the change in age comes a change in circus theme and production. Our current production: Go Steadfastly Toward Everything We Shouldn’t! Beyond wanting to play with cords or exploring power outlets, my twin boys like to grab anything that looks interesting and taste it. I know this is no different from any other children, but things become so real when they are very present in your life.

This past week my husband had a work commitment that made him arrive later than usual. My boys still go to bed around 6 or 6:30 every night, so I was on bedtime duty alone. This happens on occasion, and we simply make small adjustments to better accommodate the situation. One of those accommodations is changing both boys in the living room, one right after the other. While changing Luke, Josiah saw the tightly rolled, soiled diaper that I had just removed from his brother. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to grab that diaper ball and put it directly into his mouth. Mind you, I am still trying to cloth a wiggly toddler while attempting to keep a soiled diaper from becoming a chew toy for Josiah. Josiah goes into full meltdown, and I could not help but think this is exactly how we are with food.

We know that certain foods are not good for us; we have heard about how damaging certain food is to our bodies and well being. Yet, this week, I wanted so many things that I know good and well are not fueling my body, but on the contrary are fueling unhealthy habits. Because foods like tortilla chips and pumpkin spice lattes are not on plan, I resisted.

Three weeks into Take Shape For LIfe, and I am down over ten pounds, and as of this morning, am officially under 200 lbs! The plan that makes me say no to a PSL, and yes to a better month, week, day, even moment for myself. Like Josiah, I often place all of my focus and attention on from what I am being “deprived”, or why others can “eat whatever they want” and I have to always be conscience of what I am consuming. I can honestly say that seeing real change in how my body looks, how my clothes fit, and how I feel is making all the difference. This plan keeps me on track and away from “soiled diapers”, like the cookies provided at work yesterday…

I have new treats, like getting on the scale this morning to find that I have lost 2 pounds since Tuesday! I’ll stick with those treats and let everyone else have the cookies. :)