Crummy Choices = Crummy Consequences

I am so tired.

I cannot hide that fact. I am mentally and physically exhausted.

The beginning of a new school year brings a lot of change of routine. It's been a busy week, and I have not had much time to prepare. The result has been chaos. I feel so scattered and defeated. I made a lot of choices that were out of convenience that had a negative impact on my health. I ate crummy, so I feel crummy. I am praying for a better, smoother week next week.

Tonight... I will drink a cup of hot tea and rest.

Not all days are successful, but each day starts brand new. That's the beauty of it.

I'll check in tomorrow.

You are not (likely) the exception.

Everyone has an excuse if they allow themselves to.

I started to list some examples, but that's really not necessary because you are probably thinking of some excuses you have used right now. If you are an outstanding person with no weaknesses or excuses to give, then you are probably sitting there judging everyone who has ever told you an excuse.... The point is we hear excuses EVERY day from EVERY side. You do not have to seek someone with an excuse... they seem to be always present. 

I have always been a fairly content, happy person but I was filled with excuses. These excuses often never left my mouth, but they took up residence in my mind. 

There is an exception to every rule. I honestly believed that I was the exception. My life, my body, was more unmanageable than everyone else's. I worked hard. I always have. That is my personality. Throw my entire being at something and hope and pray that my efforts are not in vain... but they were. Why? I am the rule, not the exception. 

Hard work will complete a project, meet a deadline, and win a contest, but health and wellness is not hard... it is consistent. Okay. Consistency is hard, but not in the same way as all this effort and striving. Consistency is about taking small steps every day. It's about putting in the same effort each day towards your well being. I was used to going all in "until the job is done." NEWSFLASH: The job is never done when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle. 

I came home exhausted today. I prepped a healthy dinner for my boys and I, we all ate together, cleaned the kitchen while they colored in the living room, then it was teeth, pajamas, and bed. My FitBit vibrated letting me know I had met my step goal for the day- 9,000 steps... I had not worked out. That was my daily routine. At first I told myself, "That's plenty. I know I planned on working out, but I met my step goal, so that's good." Then I got over myself, got up off the couch, and went to change into my work out gear. 30 minutes. I'm still tired, but being disciplined feels good. 

It is easy to excuse our behavior because someone else can do less with the same or better result. That is easy. This "someone" is the exception. You (most likely) are not. 

"The grass is greener where you water it." I have always loved that! Do not compare yourself to someone else's standards. We are living in our own skin, in our own yard. Care for YOUR body. Water YOUR grass. It is okay to be the rule. If you are, just know I am right there with you. :)

Christmas (momma needs a) break

Total Weight loss on TSFL: 31 lbs.
Weight loss this week: 0 lbs.

So.... It's Christmas break for me. Two weeks of "vacation", which in my house means chasing and managing twins toddlers. So I will rephrase this holiday to Christmas no school.

Tuesdays are my weigh-in days, and today I lost nothing. I weigh exactly the same I did last week. After steadily losing, a 0-lb weight loss is a little unsettling. If I am going to be completely honest, which is always my aim here, I had a glass of wine Saturday and Sunday evening, so I haven't been completely on program. My health coach recently posted about a "Fat-burn challenge" which is supposed to throw your body into fat burn. Basically I still eat 5 of the Medifast meal replacements (2 of which should be shakes), drink at least 100 oz of water, and each 2 cups of Egg Beaters and 3 cups of spinach for my lean and green. So that is the plan for today through Thursday. I want to create a good fat burn before we leave for holiday activities.

Even though I did not lose any pounds this week, I feel really good. My body is changing before my eyes. I have hit one troubling circumstance: my once full bodied booty is disappearing into thin air!!!! My butt is fading.... like I now do not have a full bottom... THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

I'm half-teasing, but mostly very serious. Along with my change of diet, my body is looking very different than it ever ha before. I have always carried my weight low (mainly in my thighs and rear), but I have lose 5 inches off of my hips and 3.5 inches off of my thigh.... in 12 weeks. Isn't that crazy! When I am down to my goal weight, I have no idea what I will actually look like. I am beginning to think that my pear-shape may be turning into more of an hourglass. When I begin to have to buy clothing, I am scared I will not even know how to dress myself. I will cross that bridge when it comes.

Christmas is less than a week away, and I am promising myself that I will be better prepared than I was at Thanksgiving. I would love to drop more weight this week! I am due a big week, considering the last several weeks have been small weight losses. Maybe I am a "turtle loser", slow and steady. Regardless, I know how important it is to be consistent day in and day out. I would like to aim for big losses the next couple of weeks. I am only 19 lbs away from my original goal. It is so close, I can see it. I just have to continue reaching and stay focused.

For what it is worth, I want to encourage whomever may be reading this. This holiday gift yourself with wellness. You don't have to wait for January to come so you can be focused until Valentine candy is on the selves. Just start now. You can start small: eat more veggies, skip dessert, drink more water. Don't let holidays weigh you down... literally. Be blessed!

- Bethany

Freakin' Holidays...

Ok... So, it's been a while since I've checked-in. Life has gotten hectic and so has my mental state. While I have stayed on program (for the most part... We will get to that later) and had success, I have felt very discouraged. Why?!?!? I have caught myself making justifications in my head.  In walks in my familiar friend, self-defeat and sabotage! But this time I am not hiding behind my excuses and justifications. I am going to call them out for what they are: lies.

As far as successes go, I am in a size 12 pant and sitting at a 23 lb weight loss on Take Shape for Life (43 lbs down since March 2016). That's TWO pant sizes! I am the size I was when I was dating my husband. I feel good, look good, and can fit into all of my pre pregnancy clothes... What's the problem, right? I am still overweight, just not as overweight as I was. This weight is comfortable because I have lived most of my adult life with this extra weight. Complacency is hitting hard. I've always said that I can't base my health on how I look because, honestly, I never think I look bad. My frame can hold and hide more weight than most. My natural wide hips and pear shape do an excellent job at concealing fat and renaming it "figure". That's great... Except it's not.

This change has to be about more than my outward appearance or even how I feel about myself. It has to be about being the healthiest version of myself possible. It is time to take a deep breath, put my head down and get to it!


On another note: freaking holidays.

We just had Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday because it's just about family and gratefulness. Perfect! What I didn't consider is that this entire week has been based around food... That I can't eat!  It has been hard and I have nibbled on far too much. I never sat down with food that was off of program and gorged myself, no. When one of my boys threw some of their dressing on my aunt's beautiful tablecloth, I quickly scooped it up and popped it in my mouth. My family usually has some sort of green vegetable that is undressed, but not this year. Nope. So I had sweet potatoes without any topping and corn, both of which were grown in my uncles garden. While neither veggie is on program, this was a better option that throwing my entire day away on creamy green bean casserole, pumpkin pie, and my uncle's famous fudge.

What bothered me the most is that my deep desire for those foods was ever present and staring me right in the face! It's in these moments that one has to decide what is important: temporary satisfaction or long lasting benefits of health. Like with any addiction, I don't believe that my desire for my drug of choice, food, will ever go away. The power comes in choosing what is best for me in the long run. I have not mastered this, but I am not powerless like I once was.

I realized that my desire to not be a burden on anyone is a major hinderance to this process. This week highlighted that fact in bright orange! Whether it's going to a pizza place and praying they had salads, or coming unprepared with green vegetables to Thanksgiving because my aunt always does all the cooking and I didn't want to offend. My need to please lead to compromise and disappointment.

Major lessons learned this week. I am probably totally out of fat burn, so my hope is that I didn't gain any weight this week. Fingers crossed. Tomorrow is a new day. This journey is no over, I just needed to refuel and refocus.

-Bethany

Baggy eyes and clothes.

I am tired.

I mean dog-tired. I would love to paint my situation as glitter and rainbows, but my life more closely resembles that weird brown color that you make when all the watercolors blend together...

While I have felt completely unmotivated and completely exhausted, I have stayed on program. This past week I lost 2 more pounds, bringing me to 16 lbs lost in 7 weeks. I lost 20 lbs since having my boys. Thirty-six pounds total. My goal is to lose 34 more pounds. Although the changes are less dramatic, and my outlook on life is far from dreamy, I will not stop.

My pre-pregnancy pants are fitting very loosely, but the goal is not to get to where I was and stop there. I want to be a healthy, maintainable weight for the rest of my life.

Real change is slow and tedious, but long-lasting. I know this is true, but I am still struggling with feeling 100% in this. I know most of my current feelings are stemming from the fact that I am completely and utterly exhausted. My life feels out of control. My twin 14 month-olds are into everything and have now decided to throw fits... Oh, the fits... and the crying... and the drama. My job is busy and stressful and a lot of days, extremely hectic. All of my relationships are changing because of the whirlwind of my weekly schedule. Life is, honestly, really hard right now.

The only thing that does not seem to be spirally out of control is my diet. I am not feeding myself convent food full of ingredients that I don't need. I am eating according to my plan and staying within my restrictions. If nothing else, I at least have that to remain consistent.

Nothing revolutionary or inspiring... Just me, being tired, but not giving up.

Unsubscribing

Confession: I am a hoarder of unnecessary emails.

I just spent the last hour of my life deleting emails that have collected in my inbox that I have never and will never look at. AN HOUR!!!! I began frantically deleting emails and searching for companies like Gap, Staples, and Babies 'R Us, who think it is important to flood your inbox with multiple emails a day about things you don't have the time to buy. In the middle of my deletion mission, I realize that I have created this problem... If I would unsubscribe to the emails, the emails will stop. Here's the part that gets me, I have wasted an hour of my life trying to fix something that could have been avoided in the first place. If I would have unsubscribed to the first email sent, I would have been home free.

With this realization, I discover that the same is true with health and weight loss. I did nor become overweight overnight. It was a slow process. Every bowl of ice cream, every sugary latte, every time I got "seconds" when I was no longer hungry... these things added up and collected themselves in my body, just like those pesky emails. I became overweight because I really love food. There are times that I believe that I have relied on food for comfort that I should have sought from healthier places, like my loving husband or my best friend. A bowl of ice cream for me is like eating a bowl of heaven. BUT... once the bowl is over, so is the happy it brought.

And that is problem with food addiction. No one can be fully satisfied by food. Food is literally just a mode of survival. Now, God made it taste great (and I believe he did so out of love for us), but the primary purpose of food is so that our bodies receive the proper nutrients necessary to keep us alive.

I am learning the power in saying no.

When eating out with friends and that huge basket of chips and salsa approaches, I know that I have the power to say no. Here's the kicker: I have decided beforehand what I will be eating. I use all of that time before the meal comes to focus on the actual conversation between friends. When I realized that I did not eat anything off of my plan and that I don't feel like I am missing out, I know that I am starting to understand the power in no.

So tonight, not only did I delete all those emails, but I took time to say NO! My inbox and my scale should both be a little lighter from now on. :)


-Bethany

Diapers and Diets

So life with twins is a constant circus. With the change in age comes a change in circus theme and production. Our current production: Go Steadfastly Toward Everything We Shouldn’t! Beyond wanting to play with cords or exploring power outlets, my twin boys like to grab anything that looks interesting and taste it. I know this is no different from any other children, but things become so real when they are very present in your life.

This past week my husband had a work commitment that made him arrive later than usual. My boys still go to bed around 6 or 6:30 every night, so I was on bedtime duty alone. This happens on occasion, and we simply make small adjustments to better accommodate the situation. One of those accommodations is changing both boys in the living room, one right after the other. While changing Luke, Josiah saw the tightly rolled, soiled diaper that I had just removed from his brother. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to grab that diaper ball and put it directly into his mouth. Mind you, I am still trying to cloth a wiggly toddler while attempting to keep a soiled diaper from becoming a chew toy for Josiah. Josiah goes into full meltdown, and I could not help but think this is exactly how we are with food.

We know that certain foods are not good for us; we have heard about how damaging certain food is to our bodies and well being. Yet, this week, I wanted so many things that I know good and well are not fueling my body, but on the contrary are fueling unhealthy habits. Because foods like tortilla chips and pumpkin spice lattes are not on plan, I resisted.

Three weeks into Take Shape For LIfe, and I am down over ten pounds, and as of this morning, am officially under 200 lbs! The plan that makes me say no to a PSL, and yes to a better month, week, day, even moment for myself. Like Josiah, I often place all of my focus and attention on from what I am being “deprived”, or why others can “eat whatever they want” and I have to always be conscience of what I am consuming. I can honestly say that seeing real change in how my body looks, how my clothes fit, and how I feel is making all the difference. This plan keeps me on track and away from “soiled diapers”, like the cookies provided at work yesterday…

I have new treats, like getting on the scale this morning to find that I have lost 2 pounds since Tuesday! I’ll stick with those treats and let everyone else have the cookies. :)