Check yo'self

In a perfect world, I would have never become overweight and this process of refocusing my mind towards habits of a healthy lifestyle would all be completely unnecessary. We, dear friends, do not live in a perfect world. Far from it actually; therefore, I must go through this process of mental transition. After a really, really difficult mental week, this past week was smooth sailings for this girl. I was able to regain some momentum and push ahead. Every time a bite of something off program called I remembered the wise words of Ice Cube, "Check yo'self before you wreck yo'self". (Thanks to my Health Coach for making that my mantra!) After a renewed spirit and focus, I stepped on the scale this morning. I was feeling extra skinny and just knew that my diligence would pay off!! I mean, last week I was so unfocused and I lost 3 pounds! The red lights flashed back and forth, my hopes hanging in the balance... -1 lb. ONE POUND!!!!!!

Here's the kicker. I am not upset. Not even a little bit. I feel great. Last week I felt terrible, and the three pound weight loss did nothing for me, but this week... that one pound was enough to let me know that I am progressing and consistency matters.

I am currently in a size 12, where I have spent most of my life. All of my old clothes fit, including my little black dress (size 10) that I bought in college. I am very, very comfortable in this size, at this weight, with these clothes. There lies my next challenge: I have to learn to accept what I've never allowed myself to be.

I am walking into uncharted territory, folks, and these next 20-25 pounds will open up a whole new world to me. I don't even know what that world looks like. I can feel myself getting anxious. I've already lost 30 pounds in 11 weeks.... what is 20 more, right? WRONG! These next weeks of weight loss are different because I can not even imagine the end goal. It's time for me to put on my seat belt, let the top down, and enjoy the ride.

This week, a verse from Job has been circling my mind. Job 11:18 says, "Having hope will give you courage." Yes it will. I am clinging to this hope that I have that I can take back control of my life. That food will not and does not control my actions, motives, and mental space. I have the power and ability to overcome that. And when "my flesh may fail", I know that God will be my rock, upholding all the while.

Here's to a wonderful week leading up to Christmas. May my spirit (and body) be light[er]!

- Bethany